The Scripts: Savior or Rescuer

The Scripts:  Savior or Rescuer

Remember the kid in school who always went and told on your classmates?  Did you notice that it was usually the same kid who was picking on other kids who went to “tattle” on the teacher’s pet?   We call him the “ Savior” or the “Rescuer” in the drama triangle.  Can’t you just remember him waiting around for you to accidentally drop your pencil?  He would blurt out in class that you were “Out of your seat without permission.”  He just wanted to help the teacher do her job, right?

How did the teacher react?

Did she see through his clever plan?  Did she remember that he was the actual bully?  Why did he seem to think that the adult teacher needed that extra bit of help to find out what you were doing?  Why did he feel the need to portray you as a hooligan anyways? You weren’t doing anything really bad.  You were just trying to get your pencil right?  This is the third part of the “Drama Triangle, or Victim Triangle,” that we have been discussing in other articles.  Dr. Steven Carpman conceptualized the drama triangle in the 1960’s.  This is a great way to see what motivates people. 

People tend to start using these scripts because they do not really want to learn a lesson.  They are stuck in the process of learning to be responsible for their actions.  Their family and friends may actually expect them to grow up and stop doing bad things in the future, so they blame others for their own behaviors.  This lets them live in an ongoing habit of finding some fault in the people around them as the reason for their behaviors.  The three points on the triangle are labeled Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer.  Before I found out that it was Dr. Carpman’s theory, I called them Bully, Victim and Savior.  The savior role is the most entertaining to me.

I remember kids in my past job that always wanted to “help” their caregivers by pointing out the behaviors of other kids.  They would then justify their “right” to act up, because of the things the other kids had done.  It was a constant “bait and switch” scheme.  I learned to help kids with the drama triangle by telling them that they were safe to learn a lesson.  I told them that if they accepted responsibility for their actions, they would be adding something to the inside of their personality.  This would make their personality grow, and heal from things that are hurting right now.  I told them that the next time something like this happens they will be more grown up.  I told them it would be a little bit easier to handle the stress next time, and it would not hurt as much.

How do you see the rescuer or savior role in your daily life?  I’m sure it reminds you of some people you may know.  I would like to encourage you.  Try to show them that you don’t need help, when you really don’t or if you didn’t ask for it.  You will be showing them that they are responsible for being consistent and that you won’t be easily manipulated into “needing” them.